Well we we are home, actually we have been home for a little over a month. It has been an adventure with so so much to share so this post may seem completely scatter brained, but try to follow along!
So lets go all the way back to January 30th, the day we got discharged. That day was filled with more emotion than I will ever be able to explain. It was filled with tears of joy and sobs of sadness and frustration. I wanted so badly to leave every part of the hospital back at the hospital, I quickly realized that day that our journey was just beginning. Many of the things that overtook our room at the hospital are in this very apartment because Kaleb needs them to continue to gain strength. As much as we both wanted for him to be completely healed when we left the hospital that just wasn't what God had planned for us. So after an exhausting day of trying to make my new home feel more like a home and less like. hospital I was exhausted. I felt as though I had the biggest weight in the world resting on my chest and at any moment my chest was going to give way and the world was just going to come down. It never fails though that when I think God has forgotten all about us he shows me that he truly is in control of this situation. At about ten at night Kaleb called me in to show me controllable kicking his leg! It was just what I needed to remember God is much bigger than my emotions!
Since that night God has continued to show me that he is in the business of miracles, they just happen in his time and not mine. Kaleb will be able to walk with the strength of his left leg. I still believe however that he will walk again! I believe God is working miracles and that he is using Kaleb to reach so many people. The amount of people that have written me on a social media and tell me they are praying for us is truly amazing. The fact that the young GAs are so intrigued with what God is doing with Kaleb reminds me that everything will bring The Lord glory.
There are so many days where I feel as though I am walking a thin line between a nurse and a girlfriend. There are days that I want to sit down and just yell at God for giving me this trial. I wonder why me so very often, and then I think about Moses who asked God why him. He even told God that there were others more equipped and yet God answered every question showing him why he was fit for the job and how The Lord would fill the gals he thought he had. I so often why me but then The Lord gives me the strength or other gifts to make it through this challenge.
So for now I will listen to psalm 13...
How long, Lord ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord ’s praise, for he has been good to me. (Psalm 13:1-6 NIV)
In this one chapter David's heart went from heavy and filled with sorrow, to rejoicing. He says that he will sing in The Lord's praise because he has been good to me. That is one thing I need to cherish close to my heart, that no matter how hard it seems to be The Lord has blessed me beyond all means. I will continue to wait upon The Lord and his awesome and mighty healing powers.
Thank you for your love and prayers,
Brittany Marie
