Brittany Marie Heronimus

As I sit here trying to find the right words to type, I have decided it best just to let them flow. See this is one of those post that I can't find the exact structure I want, or the perfect words to say, but I know that the feeling I'm experiencing now need to be documented. See in really now one day I will walk down the aisle to my best friend and become his bride. I am feeling joy, absolute joy knowing that this is the one god has planned to be my husband. I am feeling stress as the biggest day in my life so far is quickly approaching. I am a little sad knowing that all the time and effort we have put into this will soon be over. My heart is a little heavy as it becomes more and more real that I will no longer be BRITTANY MARIE HERONIMUS. 

Heronimus, is more than just a name, it was a choice. I chose to take on the last name of the man who was willing to raise me as his own. I chose to represent him every where I went. I chose to forsake my given name in order to honor him. It's not just a name, but yet the biggest example of love I could ever show my daddy. And yet in one short day it will be over and I will take on a

new last name. 

Wilson, the name that I practiced writing a million times. The name that represents our future family. Yes he was raised a Wilson, but now it is time to start our own Wilson family. I don't feel as though I am only taking on his last name, I feel as though we are creating our last name. We, together as a unit, are the Wilsons now. 

Saturday is the biggest day in our lives to date. But the best part is we have so many amazing big days to look forward to. We get to experience every victory and defeat together. We get to laugh and cry our way through the years, as the Wilsons. So tonight I maybe just a little sad that's all coming to an end, but Sunday will be the first day of the rest of our life. I cannot wait to be MRS BRITTANY MARIE WILSON.  

You Never Realize Its The Last Time

Yesterday was Kaleb's wonderful birthday, and as always birthdays bring joy and happiness along with hope for another year. This birthday brought all of those things along with a little bit of sadness. See not only did it mark another year of Kaleb's life, it also marked the one year mark since my last recreational trip to New Orleans for his birthday. 

That trip was at the time one to remember, now it is one I will hold onto for the rest of my life. That trip would be the last time Kaleb and I would ever walk hand in hand together. That trip would be the last time he gave me a piggy back ride. That trip is the trip that I picked out some life changing jewelry. I can practically tell you every detail of that entire adventure of a weekend. Some details have faded with time, and some well some were lost on bourbon street ;). But the most important ones will forever stay close to my heart. 

I guess part of the reason these memories are so very perfect are because we didn't know. We had no idea what life changing event would happen in the span of a very short month. We lived our life careless and free the way it had always been. We laughed so hard at the most stupid of things. We spent hours looking at pieces of antiques and art that believe me I would love to have. We spent an amazing evening with some of his closest friends. And the very last day I has with him pre accident was spent being a normal couple baking a pizza and watching tv. 

So I have said it several times, that these were all the last time that they would happen. And sometimes it truly feels like I will never get a piggy back ride again, but what I do get is to ride on his lap when my feet hurt. And yes I would love to be able to walk the street holding his, but I get to push him and hey that's close enough. Plus I have a god who is healing Kaleb and I know when it's his time we will walk hand in hand again. Just having to be a little patient. 

In him, 

Brittany Marie 

An Inner Strenth

1 Peter 5:10
10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

Oh my goodness has it been a while since I actually took the time to sit down and write, which in some ways means life is going good. So let's see what has happened in the past few months that is worth sharing.... OH YA KALEB IS WALKING! Now just to clarify he is not walking around the house or walking on his own. Kaleb is walking with assistance from both a walker and a physical therapist, but that in itself is the most incredible blessing. It is something that I was becoming comfortable with the idea that it may never happen, and then with a ton of prayer and a ton of hard work and dedication on Kaleb's side he is working towards doing it again.

Now for the record, and since this is my own blog, let me tell you the past couple of months have not been the rainbows and butterflies that you may think. They have still been filled with tears and disappointments, frustration and some not so very nice words, but most of all a whole lot of love. Our lives are still very different from the paths that we both once thought they would take. There are still things that I personally have had to do for my soon to be husband that I never thought I would have to do. There have been multiple times that all I could do was call my wonderful blessing of a momma and cry to her because to be completely honest I am tired. It is a tired that is extremely hard to explain, it is a tired that is not only emotionally brought on but physically as well.  It is the kind of tired that only God can give the rest that is needed. And our gracious God has not forsaken me in this situation. Sometimes all it takes is a good cry and a few uplifting words from my momma and Kaleb to remember that the Lord has blessed me with an amazing amount of strength. If you would of told me a year ago that this would be what my life would look like I would have told you no way. I would have never expected to grow up and mature as fast as I have. I would have told you I am not strong enough to handle something this extreme, and that I am the biggest baby in the world. I would have tried to convince you that I need to be taken care of.

Now a year later, I have more spiritual strength than I ever have. My life is on a completely different plan than I ever thought possible. I live in a city that I am not a fan of. I haven't made it home to see my family in months. I missed that balloon fiesta for the first time in 21 years. I won't be home for Christmas Adam. But all of that aside I am marrying the man of my dreams. I am living a miracle. I am watching this miracle and knowing that so many people lives are being enriched because of it.

I am living the life that God has had planned for me.

sorry for the rant

Brittany Marie :)

Scatter brained

Well we we are home, actually we have been home for a little over a month. It has been an adventure with so so much to share so this post may seem completely scatter brained, but try to follow along!

So lets go all the way back to January 30th, the day we got discharged. That day was filled with more emotion than I will ever be able to explain. It was filled with tears of joy and sobs of sadness and frustration. I wanted so badly to leave every part of the hospital back at the hospital, I quickly realized that day that our journey was just beginning. Many of the things that overtook our room at the hospital are in this very apartment because Kaleb needs them to continue to gain strength. As much as we both wanted for him to be completely healed when we left the hospital that just wasn't what God had planned for us. So after an exhausting day of trying to make my new home feel more like a home and less like. hospital I was exhausted. I felt as though I had the biggest weight in the world resting on my chest and at any moment my chest was going to give way and the world was just going to come down. It never fails though that when I think God has forgotten all about us he shows me that he truly is in control of this situation. At about ten at night Kaleb called me in to show me controllable kicking his leg! It was just what I needed to remember God is much bigger than my emotions!

Since that night God has continued to show me that he is in the business of miracles, they just happen in his time and not mine. Kaleb will be able to walk with the strength of his left leg. I still believe however that he will walk again! I believe God is working miracles and that he is using Kaleb to reach so many people. The amount of people that have written me on a social media and tell me they are praying for us is truly amazing. The fact that the young GAs are so intrigued with what God is doing with Kaleb reminds me that everything will bring The Lord glory.

There are so many days where I feel as though I am walking a thin line between a nurse and a girlfriend. There are days that I want to sit down and just yell at God for giving me this trial. I wonder why me so very often, and then I think about Moses who asked God why him. He even told God that there were others more equipped and yet God answered every question showing him why he was fit for the job and how The Lord would fill the gals he thought he had. I so often why me but then The Lord gives me the strength or other gifts to make it through this challenge.

So for now I will listen to psalm 13...

How long, Lord ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord ’s praise, for he has been good to me. (Psalm 13:1-6 NIV)

In this one chapter David's heart went from heavy and filled with sorrow, to rejoicing. He says that he will sing in The Lord's praise because he has been good to me. That is one thing I need to cherish close to my heart, that no matter how hard it seems to be The Lord has blessed me beyond all means. I will continue to wait upon The Lord and his awesome and mighty healing powers.

Thank you for your love and prayers,

Brittany Marie