A break for love

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT)

It just seems necessary that I open with these verses seeing that Kaleb proposed a week ago Saturday. It has been a long hard road filled with so many tears. This road started three and a half years ago on a world changers trip in San Diego. I met this dorky little boy and had no idea that he would forever change my life. A year later he followed his dream and went into the coast guard. We survived the eight week boot camp period with the only communication being letters. I still remember watching him graduate from bootcamp and feeling so proud of him for chasing his dreams and accomplishing them. He moved to New Orleans and I joined pi phi. Somewhere in that move I convinced myself that we were no longer meant to be together, so I selfishly ended it. For a year and a half we fought and cried and still told each other that we loved each other , while I tried very hard to tell god that there had to be someone else for me. Last July I flew into New Orleans after not seeing Kaleb for over a year, and I tried to have a horrible time. But let me tell you how hard it is to have a horrible time with your best friend. We laughed and giggled, we created so many more memories. And yet I still was trying to believe that he was meant to be with someone else. It wasn't until he flew into Albuquerque in August that I knew he was it for me! He is my best friend, and the love of my life. He is who god has for me.

I give the background because so many people know about the hard times. They know that I broke Kaleb's heart time and time again. And to those people all I can say is I am sorry. I made a ton of mistakes in that year and a half, but I can promise you I am so in love with him. People make mistakes, I just got really lucky and found a man who is willing to forgive me for the hurt I have caused him and willing to spend the rest of his life with me.

Our life hasn't been easy since we got back together. We are still facing a huge trial, and I am still not the perfect fiancé. But we are doing it! We our living our lives and still laughing our way through it. We our going to make it and live an amazing life, because god brought us together almost four years ago and is still working in us.

I ask that you continue to pray for healing for Kaleb, but also for our lives as we start them together. Pray that god moves in our courtship so that we have a great foundation starting our married life.

Scatter brained

Well we we are home, actually we have been home for a little over a month. It has been an adventure with so so much to share so this post may seem completely scatter brained, but try to follow along!

So lets go all the way back to January 30th, the day we got discharged. That day was filled with more emotion than I will ever be able to explain. It was filled with tears of joy and sobs of sadness and frustration. I wanted so badly to leave every part of the hospital back at the hospital, I quickly realized that day that our journey was just beginning. Many of the things that overtook our room at the hospital are in this very apartment because Kaleb needs them to continue to gain strength. As much as we both wanted for him to be completely healed when we left the hospital that just wasn't what God had planned for us. So after an exhausting day of trying to make my new home feel more like a home and less like. hospital I was exhausted. I felt as though I had the biggest weight in the world resting on my chest and at any moment my chest was going to give way and the world was just going to come down. It never fails though that when I think God has forgotten all about us he shows me that he truly is in control of this situation. At about ten at night Kaleb called me in to show me controllable kicking his leg! It was just what I needed to remember God is much bigger than my emotions!

Since that night God has continued to show me that he is in the business of miracles, they just happen in his time and not mine. Kaleb will be able to walk with the strength of his left leg. I still believe however that he will walk again! I believe God is working miracles and that he is using Kaleb to reach so many people. The amount of people that have written me on a social media and tell me they are praying for us is truly amazing. The fact that the young GAs are so intrigued with what God is doing with Kaleb reminds me that everything will bring The Lord glory.

There are so many days where I feel as though I am walking a thin line between a nurse and a girlfriend. There are days that I want to sit down and just yell at God for giving me this trial. I wonder why me so very often, and then I think about Moses who asked God why him. He even told God that there were others more equipped and yet God answered every question showing him why he was fit for the job and how The Lord would fill the gals he thought he had. I so often why me but then The Lord gives me the strength or other gifts to make it through this challenge.

So for now I will listen to psalm 13...

How long, Lord ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord ’s praise, for he has been good to me. (Psalm 13:1-6 NIV)

In this one chapter David's heart went from heavy and filled with sorrow, to rejoicing. He says that he will sing in The Lord's praise because he has been good to me. That is one thing I need to cherish close to my heart, that no matter how hard it seems to be The Lord has blessed me beyond all means. I will continue to wait upon The Lord and his awesome and mighty healing powers.

Thank you for your love and prayers,

Brittany Marie

Its a "See You Later", not a "Goodbye"

As we sit here tonight embracing the fact that tonight is our last night as patients' of Craig Hospital I can't help but shed a tear or two. Thinking back to our first day here, November 19, I can't help but recall the fear I felt. It was the beginning of an adventure that I was terrified to be apart of. From the moment we arrived the future was right in our face. The second we pulled up there were people seating on the sky bridge, in at that point in time the dreaded wheelchairs. As the days continued the adjustments started coming in waves. Our lives were changing and they were changing fast. Kaleb quickly grabbed ahold of each and every trial that was put in front of him and defeated them.

One phrase I so often caught myself using during our stay here at Craig's was "I am to little". Today once again I took something that I thought I was at one point to little to do and proved myself wrong. Which seems to be the theme while we have been here at Craig. So often do we think we cannot do something and within a matter of time we have figured out our own way of doing it. 

Our life will not be easy, and will be filled with so many challenges. But in reality no ones life is easy, everyone's lives are filled with some sort of challenge. It truly is all about who's hand you are holding while going through it. I have been blessed with being able to hold Kaleb's hand while we adjust our lives and enjoy every minute of it. 

So tonight we wrap up one chapter of our life. Tonight we say "see you later" to so many members of Craig's hospital. Tonight I sit here and cry. I cry because I see how many of these people have become attached to my amazing boyfriend. I watched as his PT therapist had such a hard time saying goodbye. He has truly enjoyed watching how much amazing progress Kaleb has made, and wishes so very much that he was able to continue Kaleb's recovery. 

I know that Kaleb is going to continue to wow us all with his amazing recovery! Please continue to pray for his healing and strength! Though this is the end of our journey as in patients at Craig's, this is still a very hard adjustment and we still need your prayers. I for one still 100% believe that God will heal Kaleb! I know God has some amazing plans for him and I feel blessed to be apart of it, and so should all of you. 

Goodnight and God Bless,
Brittany Marie

Standing still, sprinting to the finish line

So much has happened since the last time I sat down and blogged. The biggest greatest thing to happen since November 10th happened a little less than a week ago. On January 7, 2013 I received the greatest phone call I could ever imagine. Kaleb called me shortly after I had left the hospital to tell me that he was able to controllable move his big toe on his left foot. Tears of joy streamed down my face as I thanked God for this incredible blessing! This small movement was exactly what we both needed. This movement showed us that God has prefect timing for everything and that when he is ready Kaleb will walk again.

Since the accident I can't help but feel like time has completely stood still. Yes, we have started a completely new year in a new city with a new plan, but for Kaleb and I both it is like the world has continued spinning while we live in this bubble at Craig hospital. And yet it is like we are in some marathon race to have him completely ready for discharge on January 30th. It is like whether we like it or not our lives are both standing still and yet spinning out if control at the same time.

I may not have any control over what is happening in our lives but I have a God who has a perfect plan who I know will provide. I know that Kaleb will walk, simple things like the increase spasms and the big toe movement remind me that God is completely in control! So I ask and beg that you continue to join me in praying for our lives; pray for guidance, strength, and healing for Kaleb's body! O know God hears the prayers of his children, and answers them.

God bless you,
Brittany Marie

Not the Christmas We Dreamed of

Well, today is December 26, which means yesterday was Christmas, it wasn't the Christmas we dreamed of but it was Christmas. This year our Christmas was supposed to be spent with my family back home in Albuquerque. We had been planning on this for months, and come to find out he had been planning on it for more than just Christmas. Well, do to the accident our Christmas was spent in Englewood, Colorado at Craig Hospital. It was anything but the Christmas we had planned on except for one very important thing, we were still able to spend it together. 

It was my very first Christmas ever without my family and lets just say I was a bit over emotional when I landed on Christmas Eve. I could not control the tears as they continued to flow all day and night. I wanted nothing more than to be home with my family singing "Silent Night" while my entire family somehow fits onto one pew. I wanted to be there when my "little" brother came into my room way to early in the morning to see if I would creep our presents with him. I wanted to be there when our family gathered to share an amazing meal together. I would have continued to be a dramatic over emotional mess on Christmas morning if it wasn't for the amazing man that I had decided to spend my Christmas with. 

I woke up Christmas morning and was completely prepared to cry and pout all Christmas Day, and I would have if it wasn't for Kaleb. From the second I walked into the hospital room I realized that though I plan on spending every other Christmas with my family I am so blessed that I will have him right there with me. It wasn't the Christmas I had dreamed of but Christmas with the Wilson's turned out to be perfect in its own little way. There was joyful chaos as presents were torn open, there was eating until we felt like we were going to burst, there was afternoon naps, and there was the love of family. We may not have been where we each wanted to be, but we were all with Kaleb which is where we each wanted to be. 




Yes, Kaleb and I's life is completely different from I would have ever imagined but one thing has not changed... the way we love each other. We have been able to sit on the couch together the last two nights and for those moments we are the exact same couple that we have been. We are weird and dorky but we are in love and at the end of the day that is all that matters. 

I know God has one incredible plan for us and I know God will either heal Kaleb or give us the strength to handle this new challenge. I ask that all of you continue to join us in prayer as this is still a very new injury. I know there is an amazing amount of power in prayer and so for that very reason I will never cease in praying for the love of my life. 

Have a very blessed night,
Brittany Marie

Just one step closer

Though I would never ever ask this to happen to someone else, I will admit that we are closer now than we have ever been. It has taught me to love him in a completely submissive way, while at the same time teaching him how to be served. It has showed me that no matter the challenges life may bring us, they are so much easier to face when I have him with me.

So though this isn't what I wanted I have loved every minute of it, and will continue to cherish every day together.

One life...

The amount of times that I have set next to Kaleb and asked "why us," has now become countless, but then he looks at me with those loving eyes and simply replies "because God knows we can handle it." This I know is true, I know God will not give us something that we cannot handle, and yet I will forever question why us. 

However the call I just received gave me a glimpse into the why us. The last person I ever thought would tell me he was praying for us just called and said that exact thing. My biological father told me that at church on Wednesday he sat and asked God to heal Kaleb. Now this is remarkable because for some odd reason he is not a fan of the amazing Kaleb Wilson. He said he realized that life isn't all about the fancy toys, the promotions, or the wild and crazy Saturday nights. But life is about the ones you love, and completely humbling yourself for God's will. These are words I never expected to hear out of him. 

So I guess for now the "why us" is that hopefully our testimony will bring at least one life closer to God.